Whenever a woman tells you a story and wants to add a sympathy spice to it she would say:"and imagine! SHE WAS PREGNANT" and naturally you would expect yourself to go "awww" or maybe pay a prayer or two for her and then talk about what you wouldn't do if you were in her place.
In this post I wanna address the way we look at pregnancy. If not in the world; at least in the environment I've been living at. What was hard for me during this period and what false images are being tossed at a pregnant woman every now and then. I hope my readers 're as understanding and life simplifying as me. I was never taught how to make life look easy but I trained myself to accept that everything passes and eventually becomes a memory so why make a big deal out of the present.
What was hard at the beginning?
My first trimester was the most depressing phase, and I will state my reasons why. First of all and before the pregnancy symptoms even show, the stereotyping plays a major role in defining your acceptance to pregnancy.
Before I got into this marriage I was pulled by two group of views. One called for slowing things down when it comes to having offsprings and even suggest you an optimal waiting time. While the other group threw blesses and wishes to see your production as soon as possible as if you're in a race with time and soon enough you will be like an expired product on the shelf. I was scared to be honest, scared that I might not be able to wait for a year or so without kids and let the stain of shame be marked on my forehead by the first group. And scared that I became what they made me see as a caveman's woman with 10 kids in hand and let myself go. It was so stressful that I thought I'm gonna be a failure and an embarrassment for carrying a child right away. Ignoring the most important thing is that these kind of decisions comes with mutual agreement between you and your partner.. but anyways they made you feel like the victim of deceiving and the sinner of this crime at the same time.
I tried to Google experiences from newly wedded couples but that came with no result as with Western mentality; it was so different from what we see in Eastern world. They usually get married at an older age and then seem to take their time to plan having a child. I got no source but my instinct and little did I know that god knew when it was the right time for us. Through the first few months I was blessed for not having strong pregnancy symptoms. Good appetite I had, and no mention-able morning sickness .. I remember having a little short of breath and fatigue but that was it. But wish it was it for people who made pregnancy a drama! there is no adaptation break to a pregnant woman, once you know ur pregnant you gotta throw those heels off. stop walking or exercising or wtever you used to do. eat more. don't drink fuzzy drinks. cut ur nails. don't wear that tight dress .. etc. How on earth you expect a pregnant woman to feel good about her pregnancy when you made her feel like she gotta put her old self on a blind auction like that!? It is understandable that pregnancy at this point is really critical for some women but it doesn't mean it have to be a dangerous life threatening thing. besides studies shows that high levels of stress put on a pregnant woman can cause miscarriage, premature births and low birth weight!
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| Inspiring story: "Shayna Richardson was making her first solo skydive, when her parachute failed to open properly and fell thousands of feet and crash-landed in a parking lot. Incredibly, she survived. Shortly after the accident, she learned she was several weeks pregnant." When it meant to be, ITS MEANT TO BE! |
When its the right time to get pregnant in my opinion
Women there is no right time to have a baby but there are right conditions. The most important thing is you're health. if you are in good health so will be your baby. The reason why I feel sorry for those women who gets multiple pregnancies one after another -although some are really great moms holding households better than superman- is that I know how body changing pregnancy is. Increased blood volume, water preservation, wider bottom, skin stretch, blood pressure ups and downs..etc. Rationally, you would need to give that body a break.
Another thing is father's full support. without my husband, Pregnancy would be so much harder to deal with, he supported me in showing his acceptance to my new mood swings and new look and he never waits for me to ask for anything I crave for or need. Forget about having time to examine ur partners skills of handling such big responsibility, you will never know that until you both go through it. and if he ever showed any signs of hesitation get him involved in the whole journey. I tell my husband how wonderful this is to us, how special our baby will be and that there's no perfect time for us to have this angel than now.
My baby is a beautiful thing that happened to us, everyday its becoming part of our daily conversations, our laughing together minutes as we feel the ninja kicks and an effort we pay willingly when picking up clothes we both think would look deadly adorable. I can't imagine how my life would be empty without this little angel and I can't wait to see it. All I'm saying is for me I found it the right time and so will you.
What really happens!
It comes Naturally. Have you ever heard of mother instinct? well it starts way before you are even called a mother. when my husband asks me if I'm scared of squeezing my baby in my belly (LOL) I told him its part of me what will harm him will surely harm me first so I'm not scared. later in my second trimester I started watching carefully what I eat and never skip a pill of multivitamins or calcium that is beneficial to my baby. No one forced me to do it and I was never this organized before with pills but I never want to deny my baby from his right of being a healthy baby. Eventually you stop wearing high heels and tight clothes not because its harmful for the baby but cuz of you being a mother-to-be you pick more comfortable things to wear and what you sense are safer for him. I overcame the rebelling phase against all I heard from different women and thought well I'm the mom who knows better and lets leave it at that.
Another thing to talk about when spilling reality is No, you don't have to be all bloated like a balloon. People were wondering why I gained weight but never assumed I'm pregnant until I reached like my 7th month! and no you don't have to have pregnancy allergies or scary food cravings or crazy weight gain. throw away all those images cuz pregnancy is not that terrible and everyone experience at least one thing at a time in their carrying period not the whole package.
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| oh, that's how a pregnant woman should look like? |
What keeps me positive?
I shall say knowing about all the people who went through it successfully and believing in my own confidence that I will be an exceptional mom even if I'm not that exceptional. YES, there are days where I get so moody and intimidated by the responsibility coming but you got to change the channel and focus on happy channel.
And as for women terror of gaining weight, I'm gonna get my body back. we do that all the time with dieting and gaining even before being pregnant so what's the difference now? so what if you got a line or two of stretch marks its not like they didn't exist even on the skinniest people. A nine month that shall pass and a nine month to get it gradually back, my life, my passion, my body, my routine and a new life that would be better than ever. long story short its not as bad as they describe it and its not the end the world either.
Pregnancy is simple to pass yet complicated enough to explain:
If it was ur first pregnancy like me, you probably has received tons of advises and warnings from women. I myself prepare a paper of questions for my Obstetrician on every appointment to answer my worries and concerns. and I came to this conclusion.. In pregnancy there are things that are black and white like you can't have an x-ray during pregnancy obviously but you can take a panadol pill safely. However there is also a gray area where no one knows for sure the main reasons or the right answers to it. We see women blaming a hospital for not taking action before they miscarriage their babies yet the doctor work is not a work of a magician. It might be the fetus that couldn't support itself or something related to uncontrolled circumstances in you body of wonders. A lady I know scolded me once for not lying down all the time for her opinion that her cousin who laid down at every possible chance she got had an easy delivery but I've seen a friend who had c section delivery for not helping her baby turn to the right position by laying down all day!!
who's at fault and who's right? No one.
we are talking about hundreds of factors, your body type, your pelvic size, your pain level tolerance, your habits, your muscles, your hormones, your choices and even your baby himself!! yet it all ends up at your expectation, if you think its gonna be scary and tiresome it will be such pregnancy. That's why I stopped listening to other people's opinions and had great depend on my strength and being in god's hands.
This was one long post and I still feel like there's more to talk about, I still have two months to go and probably will see and experience more until my due date. keep me in your prayers for an easy delivery and share with me what do you know/heard about pregnancy in your society?
Peace,
Amna Al Dhaheri
