Out of the closet before my wedding

I don’t know how I found the time to write down this post.. to be fair its not the time that is too tight for the bride it’s the mind’s capacity of productivity and creativity.

I barely push myself to write in a wedding diary I keep in my handbag so I won’t regret not writing it down one day.

Writing feels so good and now that I didn’t write for a while I don’t find a pleasure in life events as I used to ..

People has been the hardest part in my pre-wedding period. Its not that I care to make changes to please them but they certainly do affect your mood A LOT!

I really want to apologize for what you’re gonna read down there, unlike me it’s a bit negative but I can’t, I can’t, I just can’t keep it to myself or else I’ll go crazy. Its torturing psychologically as if physically is not enough.

So PEOPLE. Somehow you are their topic to discuss when they're out of topics, which is so irritating because you use people’s company to forget about the wedding stress and all they give you is another suggestions on how to get more stressed. I particularly hate it when they ask about private stuff like how much you spent or what EXACTLY that you bought with all that money.

Married and Divorced people

They always act like the wise ones. If you saw one I hope ur fit enough to do an air flip and hide behind the nearest wall. They don’t just give you an advice to follow they force it on you! BAMMM!!

"oh I’m sorry but maybe I do wanna share everything with my husband or oh no a hair mist is not necessary for a living I wonder if he will even notice it!"

you wanna hear something funny?! The most shocking lie I heard in my life from them was: “YOU WILL NOT HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING AFTER MARRIAGE!” I can’t wait to check it myself, I mean of course I won’t have time for the likes of you! but won’t I have time to shower? to drive? to eat? to chitchat? to visit? to write? Don’t you think its too much for 24hr to say its not enough? Sorry panda its you who didn’t find time and set priorities not all the brides!

The other half who are not married yet

A bride is a target for their hopes and dreams without realizing I’m not their little dreams-come-true fairy nor that the world is cheap enough to fulfill all their suggestions. Its sweet I know but please don’t show me that disbelief shocking “OH” face when I disagree with you. I understand no one realizes it as much as the one with money and time in hand to divide. Few years back, I planned must-buy lists for my future marriage and laughed at some money managing faults ...but now I understand! I know that some stuff you will be able to cover financially and timely but others you will let go or wish they come as you’ve always wished for.

Someone: “you should go get 6 branded bags, write them down: Channel, LV, Gucci, Givency...”

Me: ”Ummm well, I got Coach handbag”

Someone: ”OH MY GOD your not gonna get the rest? You can’t you’re a brideeee!”

Me: ”well.. ummm.. I don’t …know” awkward

NO NO NOOOO!! I don’t care about other brides' shopping rituals I’m not gonna waste huge amount of money over branded bags that can take up to ¼ of my salary each. I might buy one or two but never more than that at one time!

Not to mention that yes; some people still don't see through brands to care about what ur carrying! 

False predictions

I dislike people who try to be nice by guessing your emotions from your tired face.

Someone: “Dear you are thinking too much about the wedding? RELAAAAX!”

Me: ”No ..I’m not, its just lack of….”

(interrupting) Someone: ”YOU know its just one night celebration then you will regret all the worry for nothing”

Me: ”Nooooo its not like that!”

Someone: ”May god help you sweety”

Me talking to myself: ”oh why bother open my mouth?” walks away

Geeeeez people, trust me this is in no way a good way to start a conversation OR show sympathy towards a bride. You’re just driving her towards frustration when all she had on her mind that morning is to do well and get the wedding stuff on hold for once.

Prayers come true

Prayers are great as we believe its heard by god who understands us more than anyone else. However, people can even ruin this one faith rope we have. If you wanna pray for someone let it be a rational decent prayer. And always never wish for something jokingly cuz it might be fulfilled! When a bride gets a prayer like:

- “By god’s will you will get kids as soon as possible!! AMEEN!” or 

- "May we get to see your 10 kids" 

Maybeeee they think there’s some magical dust on it that would make a young soon to-be-bride get motherhood emotions flowing and go like “awwww I can’t wait to be a mother! I wish my wedding was earlier!!! And you to go to heaven for being so sweet”. 

Seriously! we can’t handle the drama of being in front of more than 500 people not to mention the fear of starting a new life with a new guy as a couple and you are bringing a third person into the count!?

I’m not against having those lil angels or anything but every topic has a proper time. Pray for happiness pray for wealth pray for health pray for everlasting love!!!

Questions before a week

Another important question that I’ve been asked 100 times when the wedding was less than a week near: “How is your spirit? How do you feel?”

do you really wanna know how it feels?

I don’t feel anything. Seriously my feelings are numb since two weeks now. I don’t think about the wedding fears and I don’t think about any other stuff too. Its really devastating to live with no purpose waiting for that day. I closed my door of listening to nosy questions and I started ignoring everyone because what I have is more major than anything else in my entire life. I’m focusing my efforts not to lose me around this mess when its so hard not to. I’m not sure but I think my emotions will awaken on the day I walk down the aisle lol

I started eating chocolate like a fat kid and I get these urges to argue with my husband over every word that comes out of his mouth but I held back (thank god he is miles away lol) and I certainly get into fights with each and every member of my family, I do scare myself sometimes. LOL

I do not wanna whine about how hard it was to keep myself together but really the fewer the people who knows about your wedding till the last minute the better.

Readers please take this with a sense of humor I can’t accept any more advising and directing about how I should feel or what should I say when all I need is to write about it. And please please pleasssse don’t be one of those people who gives a bride a hard time unless she asked for it herself. Life, marriages, love, mistakes, lessons and everything else comes by nature to everyone of us we don’t need someone to give us a cheat book. I said it to my husband once and I’m saying it to you too: “Don’t listen to others' life story,  give us a chance to build ours and take the best out of both”.

Ahhhh it feels much better .. wish me luck in my big day, gotta go try and get some beauty sleep 

Peace,

Amna Al Dhaheri

I'm getting married!

I'm engaged soon to be married !

I didn't wanna let myself write anything about it till I got my time and experience the trip of being in an arranged marriage. In my country, its almost always arranged marriages as its believed  to be the best religiously and socially. Something I wouldn't dream to end up with no matter how right it seemed because I'm this stubborn woman, but it all just happen in what i call a blink of an eye!

I know deep down it was meant to be with this particular guy when they told me about him but I wanted to be the miracle that goes against fate and with the denial it just brought me more misery and a lot more depressing days I could ever handle.

I was so busy asking life why without getting an answer back as if the other side which always guided me in everything and I MEAN everything went mute for the first time!

Struggling for couple of months I finally decided "for once in my life I will close my eyes and let god take the wheel if I'm not driving I know god will not let us crash". I'm really envious of all those women around the world who survived an arranged marriage with a relaxed mind to a very beautiful beginnings, to be honest I still didn't reach that state nor do I get it. I see marriages as life sharing and joint responsibility from both parties.. I want my marriage life to be the one I picked when I know I can handle it!

I admit however, I was from thereafter learning 1- how to love a stranger like a total teenage girl all over again and 2- how to truly place your faith into much greater powers in the universe. I wanted to be like those women who took life easy before I kill myself with my complexity.

A person whose obsessed with leading his own life though couldn't stand still in one corner; she would shamefully and secretly admit that she placed few tests along the way for the man of her future and god she was so annoyed every time he passed one haha

"if he's not an old fashioned he will bring that, and if he is a gentleman he will arrange that" - he did all.

I think I had few shots with fate before yet all ended up because of fate itself so maybe when fate offers the hand you should take it. I know very well that matching couples made in heaven will meet somehow and its just the mean that differs to everyone, whether its the guy next to you or the one you met on an airplane YOU WILL FIND EACH OTHER just add some fairy dust to your story and believe it will happen. And despite everything do not try to tailor others story into yours because it will end up ugly and unfitting! I tried to seek advices and opinions and they all added to my stress credit!

And from what I notice a matched couple doesn't have to bring each other happiness but one of them will be a mercy on the other, they two will feel the special bond whether they hurt or satisfy each other so when I'm jumping into this I'm not aiming too high nor too low.

I know life is not all pink and I wanna take it slow and rational knowing that.

A life after marriage will never be the same for me or him it takes mountains of courage but maybe its time to let go of my bachelor life for a greater joy that only this marriage can offer me.. if not it will only be another chance to learn and grow up.

Once I started getting to know my husband I was surprised by the magical work done over our relationship I thank god that I found a person who represents the inner true me not what I always wanted to be ... he will be the closest to understand me when the masks falls down and I go back to my real form..

The amount of love he holds in his heart for his wife-to-be startled me.. a woman like me would need more time to digest a new love, but that I found totally normal maybe a bit relaxing to know how ready he is for this on my behalf, I will stay there and listen to what he has to say for days since he can speak his heart now.. Until one day I will suddenly wake up with a beating heart saying he is the one I wanna walk miles with.

This is not gonna be a long post because I'm not done yet, my heart is a mess my mind is messier.
Maybe we are too young maybe we are making a mistake but maybe its the right time and the right thing to do too..
please include me in your prayers for this marriage to be 

My one and only ♥

Peace,

Amna Al Dhaheri

Book Review: "The Art of Forgetting" by Ahlem Mosteghanemi

I've heard about Ahlem from a very close friend few years back, by that time her book "Nessyan.com" was out. My friend used to like poetry and had a romantic sense of perceiving emotional writings

I didn't like any writings that would mess up with emotions that much so I never dared to borrow it from her even though she offered couple of times.

I knew Ahlem was amazing from couple of lines but that was it for me in the past.

When Abu Dhabi book fair was opened (which unfortunately I missed) my best friend went there a picked Ahlem's new book for me "The Art of Forgetting" and by that I was forced to explore her literature happily.

Ahlem writes in Arabic language but her writings were translated to English

When I first read the first few pages the translation made me take the book seriously!

I didn't read so many rich english books but this one was a wealthy one

I believe its because the English text was derived from Arabic language and Ahlem is a juggler with metaphors and imageries!

So if you knew how to read Arabic I would suggest going for the original arabic version, it will make your reading more enjoyable with all the pictures and famous arabic sayings

As for the structure of the book, it was simply divided into 2-3 pages chapters that gave a proverb then follow it by an example and conclude it by lines of thoughts or sort of poetry

I like how there are quotes everywhere from different authors especially Arabic ones, those masters of arabic language too bad we have few accesses to their vintage work

Authors like Nizar Qabbani, Abu Nawwas, Mahmoud Darwish, Ibn Zaydun and Ahmed Shawqi.

on the contrary of what I thought; Ahlem was not about depressing emotions but a light guest mixing humour with well built facts, in this book she directs her messages to her friend who had troubles getting over the guy who left her by giving her calls every morning helping her to forget

By the end of the book, Ahlem placed a charter called "The charter of feminine honour" and asked all the women readers to sign it on her website nessyane.com as funny as it might seem it really asks for real commitment which is what we need to move on.

inspiring lines from the book comparing japanese reaction against earth quakes and the Arabs':

"A minor quake hits an Arab country: it totally wipes out a city and chokes life for a number of years. This is because the Arabs are inherently fatalistic. They let life take care of itself. In life, just as in love, they see no further than today. They are quite ready to die as victims of natural, or amorous disasters because they have a genetic predisposition towards mindless self-sacrifice, for the sake of the nation and despotic ruler, for family, friends and the beloved."

The book is light and sweet

I have so much respect to this author and hope to meet her one day

Thank you Ahlem for paying so much effort to left the women all over the world especially those in the Arab world and thank you Sara for getting me this book :)

peace,

Amna Al Dhaheri

Jigsaw of the Mind

Despite the generous blesses in our lives and the strong believe in Fate’s game, one cannot keep his feet mud free in the pool of depression.

When you are content with your own life you might point sarcastically at the mourning of others. Forgetting that people differ in life scope, hopes, dreams, plans, worries, biology and psychology.

Loud arguing and confronting a friend can pass by in couple of hours to normal people but might be a big deal to others that it would lead them to shy out and hide from the society.. ever asked yourself why?

A person I recently met gave an outrageous confession of not believing in psychology and the existence of its illnesses. I was once in the same spot, I knew someone can get down and blue but thought the rest is an exaggeration except total madness which is incurable.

Yet when I met people with unfortunate cases, I stopped myself in wonder and disbelief. What if what I see is not a bit a like of what they see?! The way we simplify a math problem in attempt to get it solved, what if a grown up human being lost this formula and had an alternative mechanism of complicating matters and worse a tendency to depression or death?!

A friend talked about philosophy and the question of his life saying “what if the red I see is blue to you but we were raised to agree that its called red?! How would you know that the hue I see is not the same when we can’t get into each others mind?”  this statement that got stuck into my mind made me embrace the difference and believe it exists.

For those who think they can read all people behaviors and triggers, think again. A study shows that 85-90% of human mind is a subconscious based. A part that you have no control over and a part that drives you instead of you giving it a drive. If we assume that all the bad and good experiences, emotions, memories are recorded there. Won’t you think it will come back in a way or another? Yes it will and in some cases a person might act this way and when asked for a reason he wouldn’t see a clear answer coming. If they, themselves are not aware of their motivations who are we to list them.

Me, myself not immune against all of that. In fact these are my writings, my inner thoughts, and maybe a little squeeze from my subconscious in there. I’ve always admitted that I find myself more frequently depressed than the others, but what do we know about the others? Every day is a fight to stay happy and a prayer for the best to happen.

I want you, my reader; to get a glimpse of my happiness and save you my agony, that’s why I will always write about joy here. And again if you think I got it all easily and without sweats and tears you are not only fooling yourself, but you are underestimating the life holding us all. When I started to be independent, I had to shed a tear at each and every step I took until I reached my place. Life changes in a matter of seconds, it can be unbearable and yet excitingly livable at another day. Its how we deal with it that differentiate us.

In this century, it is sometimes understandable to act cold and mean assuming everyone is not willing to compromise and not worth the chance of letting them in anyway.. So we hurt, judge and avoid. Its such a shame that such violent acts are so welcomed and applauded for while the reverse is a signature of weakness and stupidity on the face of the beholder. Later when the good is disgraced and the bad appraised they wonder why many are committing suicide, many are lying in hospitals and mostly are living dead.

“Live as a Noble in your own land rather than a badass in theirs because they will not be your loyalists in both ways.”

Another important view to look at is Destiny, we were giving things in life and obviously its your choice to manipulate them, yet sometimes fate stands in the way of controlling what seems easily controllable. One day I was having dinner with a friend when all of a sudden a little mentally disabled girl jumped on my French fries because she was hungry. I was so damn scared but convinced myself that she meant no harm and kept watching. When her mother came to apologize we totally lost our appetite although we were starving and so excited for the meal earlier. She touched our hearts. She was living in her own world disturbing the tables of other people without knowing much other than it’s a food to reach your hands for with a smile. I didn’t think life was hard on the little girl more than on the mother.. the tiredness and carelessness showed all over her face. God’s fate picked them to suffer on earth may they be blessed with heavens afterwards. When you are in such position tell me how would you hold it together? Tell me is this a condition you can get over with sessions of rehab? And aren’t you lucky enough to understand my message to you?!

  

And if this doesn’t move you to look around and respect the majesty of life diversity in creation, look back at our prophet Mohammed testament! He asked us to fight the abuse with kind. Because a human is a collection of psyches. And even in his life centuries ago people still suffered from the ups and downs of the mind. The human can go astray from his true nature, the nature of neutrality, loving, happiness and faithfulness. And all religions came to emphasis that road to acquire those things still valid and is engraved in the rocks as long as a person is alive.  A talk in a modern church in Seoul was held under the title “ clean your house ”, stories and wise words were thrown to support the people to clean their hearts and maintain their sober minds. 

"Because we are, those fragile little things.."

Finally my dears I don't expect you to change the way you treat people as much as I ask you to stop and think. Give others excuses for what they've done, give them a chance to be a better beings in your mind. Only when you think.. you will believe, and when you do believe.. you will start acting accordingly.

“Oh dear god, I call you with the greatness of your creation, I know nothing about life, never wanting to judge your servants; I’m asking you the protection from the many they are tested by.”

Peace,

Amna Al Dhaheri