It's a Boy!

I spent almost a month at my mother's house afterbirth so I was away from my laptop for quite some time to update my blog not that I had lots of free time to waste on not sleeping or taking care of my baby. I grabbed a pen and a paper at my sister's desk and decided to write the old way while my cub sleeps in my arms. *pen dries up .. GREAT!*

It's a BOY !

I'm happy to announce that I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy on the morning of the 5th of Aug14. I kept my baby's gender a secret because well.. I love happy surprises and I love more listening to people's guesses. Often I got two guesses; those who saw me all dressing up with girly personality on predicted I'd have a baby girl. I had an extreme case of a woman almost swearing I'd have a girl, which makes me wonder why she been silent lately after having my boy?! haha. Others who saw how wide my hips got used old wives tales to tell its a girl although I know that my body accumulates all the stubborn fat around my hips naturally so pregnancy weight gain went there accordingly. I must say it was offensive to her the polite version of "your ass got bigger so you're having a girl" BUT nothing stopped me from ignoring them only to say "Ahhhha its not a baby girl! I WIN". lol


so YES I was carrying a boy, I've never saw myself a mother of a boy nor that I prefered boys NOR do I know how to deal with little guys but its all so right to me right now. It was surprising even though the first three months before ultrasound and all the waiting started to gave me the feeling that I'll be having a baby girl; yet my sixth sense or whatever you call it said otherwise & my guts screamed "its NOT a girl!!"Not to discriminate, both are a precious gift from above but it was a weird knowledge popped suddenly out of no where and it was so strong .. Maybe before the invention of ultrasound this how women from old ages knew what they are carrying? We women scare ourselves sometimes, I mean what do we not know?! lol

I would be untruthful if I deny that deep within I had this desire to have a baby boy first, despite my crush toward lil girls. A big brother to his lil brothers or sisters is a source of support and protection. Something I've always wished I had for myself and tried to offer being the eldest of my siblings .. Now all is left to get this is to do my best at what god gave me as a mother and devote it to raise this baby boy.

Oh! by the way we named him Mansour منصور which means victorious in Arabic

xoxo,
Amna Al Dhaheri

Pregnancy as we know it !

Whenever a woman tells you a story and wants to add a sympathy spice to it she would say:"and imagine! SHE WAS PREGNANT" and naturally you would expect yourself to go "awww" or maybe pay a prayer or two for her and then talk about what you wouldn't do if you were in her place.

In this post I wanna address the way we look at pregnancy. If not in the world; at least in the environment I've been living at. What was hard for me during this period and what false images are being tossed at a pregnant woman every now and then. I hope my readers 're as understanding and life simplifying as me. I was never taught how to make life look easy but I trained myself to accept that everything passes and eventually becomes a memory so why make a big deal out of the present.

What was hard at the beginning?

My first trimester was the most depressing phase, and I will state my reasons why. First of all and before the pregnancy symptoms even show, the stereotyping plays a major role in defining your acceptance to pregnancy. 

Before I got into this marriage I was pulled by two group of views. One called for slowing things down when it comes to having offsprings and even suggest you an optimal waiting time. While the other group threw blesses and wishes to see your production as soon as possible as if you're in a race with time and soon enough you will be like an expired product on the shelf. I was scared to be honest, scared that I might not be able to wait for a year or so without kids and let the stain of shame be marked on my forehead by the first group. And scared that I became what they made me see as a caveman's woman with 10 kids in hand and let myself go. It was so stressful that I thought I'm gonna be a failure and an embarrassment for carrying a child right away. Ignoring the most important thing is that these kind of decisions comes with mutual agreement between you and your partner.. but anyways they made you feel like the victim of deceiving and the sinner of this crime at the same time.

I tried to Google experiences from newly wedded couples but that came with no result as with Western mentality; it was so different from what we see in Eastern world. They usually get married at an older age and then seem to take their time to plan having a child. I got no source but my instinct and little did I know that god knew when it was the right time for us. 


Through the first few months I was blessed for not having strong pregnancy symptoms. Good appetite I had, and no mention-able morning sickness .. I remember having a little short of breath and fatigue but that was it. But wish it was it for people who made pregnancy a drama! there is no adaptation break to a pregnant woman, once you know ur pregnant you gotta throw those heels off. stop walking or exercising or wtever you used to do. eat more. don't drink fuzzy drinks. cut ur nails. don't wear that tight dress .. etc. How on earth you expect a pregnant woman to feel good about her pregnancy when you made her feel like she gotta put her old self on a blind auction like that!? It is understandable that pregnancy at this point is really critical for some women but it doesn't mean it have to be a dangerous life threatening thing. besides studies shows that high levels of stress put on a pregnant woman can cause miscarriage, premature births and low birth weight! 

Inspiring story: "Shayna Richardson was making her first solo skydive, when her parachute failed to open properly and fell thousands of feet and crash-landed in a parking lot. Incredibly, she survived. Shortly after the accident, she learned she was several weeks pregnant."  When it meant to be, ITS MEANT TO BE!

When its the right time to get pregnant in my opinion

Women there is no right time to have a baby but there are right conditions. The most important thing is you're health. if you are in good health so will be your baby. The reason why I feel sorry for those women who gets multiple pregnancies one after another -although some are really great moms holding households better than superman- is that I know how body changing pregnancy is. Increased blood volume, water preservation, wider bottom, skin stretch, blood pressure ups and downs..etc. Rationally, you would need to give that body a break.  

Another thing is father's full support. without my husband, Pregnancy would be so much harder to deal with, he supported me in showing his acceptance to my new mood swings and new look and he never waits for me to ask for anything I crave for or need. Forget about having time to examine ur partners skills of handling such big responsibility, you will never know that until you both go through it. and if he ever showed any signs of hesitation get him involved in the whole journey. I tell my husband how wonderful this is to us, how special our baby will be and that there's no perfect time for us to have this angel than now. 

My baby is a beautiful thing that happened to us, everyday its becoming part of our daily conversations, our laughing together minutes as we feel the ninja kicks and an effort we pay willingly when picking up clothes we both think would look deadly adorable. I can't imagine how my life would be empty without this little angel and I can't wait to see it. All I'm saying is for me I found it the right time and so will you. 

What really happens! 

It comes Naturally. Have you ever heard of mother instinct? well it starts way before you are even called a mother. when my husband asks me if I'm scared of squeezing my baby in my belly (LOL) I told him its part of me what will harm him will surely harm me first so I'm not scared. later in my second trimester I started watching carefully what I eat and never skip a pill of multivitamins or calcium that is beneficial to my baby. No one forced me to do it and I was never this organized before with pills but I never want to deny my baby from his right of being a healthy baby. Eventually you stop wearing high heels and tight clothes not because its harmful for the baby but cuz of you being a mother-to-be you pick more comfortable things to wear and what you sense are safer for him. I overcame the rebelling phase against all I heard from different women and thought well I'm the mom who knows better and lets leave it at that. 

Another thing to talk about when spilling reality is No, you don't have to be all bloated like a balloon. People were wondering why I gained weight but never assumed I'm pregnant until I reached like my 7th month! and no you don't have to have pregnancy allergies or scary food cravings or crazy weight gain. throw away all those images cuz pregnancy is not that terrible and everyone experience at least one thing at a time in their carrying period not the whole package.

oh, that's how a pregnant woman should look like?

What keeps me positive?

I shall say knowing about all the people who went through it successfully and believing in my own confidence that I will be an exceptional mom even if I'm not that exceptional. YES, there are days where I get so moody and intimidated by the responsibility coming but you got to change the channel and focus on happy channel.

And as for women terror of gaining weight, I'm gonna get my body back. we do that all the time with dieting and gaining even before being pregnant so what's the difference now? so what if you got a line or two of stretch marks its not like they didn't exist even on the skinniest people. A nine month that shall pass and a nine month to get it gradually back, my life, my passion, my body, my routine and a new life that would be better than ever. long story short its not as bad as they describe it and its not the end the world either.  

Pregnancy is simple to pass yet complicated enough to explain:

If it was ur first pregnancy like me, you probably has received tons of advises and warnings from women. I myself prepare a paper of questions for my Obstetrician on every appointment to answer my worries and concerns. and I came to this conclusion.. In pregnancy there are things that are black and white like you can't have an x-ray during pregnancy obviously but you can take a panadol pill safely. However there is also a gray area where no one knows for sure the main reasons or the right answers to it.  We see women blaming a hospital for not taking action before they miscarriage their babies yet the doctor work is not a work of a magician. It might be the fetus that couldn't support itself or something related to uncontrolled circumstances in you body of wonders. A lady I know scolded me once for not lying down all the time for her opinion that her cousin who laid down at every possible chance she got had an easy delivery but I've seen a friend who had c section delivery for not helping her baby turn to the right position by laying down all day!! 

who's at fault and who's right? No one.

we are talking about hundreds of factors, your body type, your pelvic size, your pain level tolerance, your habits, your muscles, your hormones, your choices and even your baby himself!! yet it all ends up at your expectation, if you think its gonna be scary and tiresome it will be such pregnancy. That's why I stopped listening to other people's opinions and had great depend on my strength and being in god's hands.

This was one long post and I still feel like there's more to talk about, I still have two months to go and probably will see and experience more until my due date. keep me in your prayers for an easy delivery and share with me what do you know/heard about pregnancy in your society? 

Peace,
Amna Al Dhaheri

Book Review: 2 Books for Marriage preparations

I was supposed to post this before my wedding, but there were many things on hold at that time. It has been really stressful months. I didn’t have the time to update my blog much but I was trying my best to stick to the bunch of TV series (comedy ones) and some books to lighten up my mood and help me forget for few hours a day that I was gonna get married. 

I do love life educating books yet I didn’t believe in marriage education that much. The logic behind that in my mind was like “I don’t need book to teach me how to love, respect, care for my family” but man there were a lot of things to learn, If not learn then at least remind us of what we already know.

The first book I got from a colleague at work is “Why Men love Bitches!” by Sherry Argov and unlike what the cover says a bitch here has a different perspective than what we are familiar with. The writer describes her as an independent woman who knows how to make herself happy and at the same time maintain a strong loving relationship with her partner.

I do love this book because it gave so many helpful situations from women of all kinds, although most of the scenarios were common sense or I already came across them I found myself happy with the strong reminder and in some cases wondering how she’s gonna react in such situation! It will help you to keep hold of what you like and want in your life and never to let this new relationship with a man makes you forget yourself and be what she calls a “nice woman” who is easy to deceive and willing to naively give all she got sacrificing her time and energy

Things I loved about this book are:

1- It gradually guides you through your relationship starting from date one and how its enough to have popcorn for a meal so you build a solid appreciation and respect for the coming meals lol

2- There are couple of comparison tables through the book drawing both scenes on what a nice girl and a bitch would do in each situation. Its scary to know you might be too nice without noticing sometimes and how its perceived by the opposite sex is even scarier!

3- when the writer gives a tip; she explains the logic behind! For example, ….. focused lots of her efforts to explain why its important to have a job of your own and that independence will not only keep the guy unable to predict your next move but even the richest men will sense your value and your addition to the house. Now before I thought rich men wouldn’t bother paying us for a lifetime long, not seeing the inner damage of image it can give to a woman.

The second book is a one I wanted to read long time ago but forgot all about it until recently when I was wedding shopping in Dubai. I couldn’t resist not buying new books and getting scolded by mom to focus on more important matters at that moment lol

Since the writer Steve Harvey is not a writer but a comedian he stated that the book will not be the same of that of a writer’s. It was simple, well organized and sweet. The book is a guide from a man to women on how to understand men explained in the shortest way possible. Through the book I loved these two facts as they worked in making me more realistic and more understanding to not expect a woman’s behavior from a man.

Two facts I loved:

1- A man is a good one if he feels good about himself and that happens when he knows: who he is, what he does and how much he earns.

2- If a man loves you, he will: give you a title (my wife, my fiancé, my girlfriend …etc), provide for you (money, food, shelter… etc) and protect you (he will not let any man harm you in any way)

I felt like it’s a father daughter kind of message and it didn’t miss a little sprinkle of his sense of humor. It’s a nice addition to build yourself a full picture beside the previous book. And now when I have feminine doubts on whether my husband cares for me or loves me I just remember those guidelines and drift away from all this negativity lol.

From my personal view, these two books are just a basic start for anyone. There are hundred of ways to learn and educate yourself and you have to pick the most comfortable ones for you, ones you think are interesting and will add to your balance of information. All in all, try to read books and learn from life as it’s the best teacher you will ever encounter and never take advices from people who are not professional in family relationships, these are serious stuff and we should handle them in a more serious mindset. 

And remember, marriage education still goes on even after getting married :)

Interesting fact from Women's Day.com : "Wedding and engagement rings have been worn on the fourth finger of the left hand since ancient times. The Romans believed a vein in this particular finger, called "vena amoris" (a.k.a. the "vein of love"), leads directly to the heart."

Peace,

Amna Al Dhaheri

Out of the closet before my wedding

I don’t know how I found the time to write down this post.. to be fair its not the time that is too tight for the bride it’s the mind’s capacity of productivity and creativity.

I barely push myself to write in a wedding diary I keep in my handbag so I won’t regret not writing it down one day.

Writing feels so good and now that I didn’t write for a while I don’t find a pleasure in life events as I used to ..

People has been the hardest part in my pre-wedding period. Its not that I care to make changes to please them but they certainly do affect your mood A LOT!

I really want to apologize for what you’re gonna read down there, unlike me it’s a bit negative but I can’t, I can’t, I just can’t keep it to myself or else I’ll go crazy. Its torturing psychologically as if physically is not enough.

So PEOPLE. Somehow you are their topic to discuss when they're out of topics, which is so irritating because you use people’s company to forget about the wedding stress and all they give you is another suggestions on how to get more stressed. I particularly hate it when they ask about private stuff like how much you spent or what EXACTLY that you bought with all that money.

Married and Divorced people

They always act like the wise ones. If you saw one I hope ur fit enough to do an air flip and hide behind the nearest wall. They don’t just give you an advice to follow they force it on you! BAMMM!!

"oh I’m sorry but maybe I do wanna share everything with my husband or oh no a hair mist is not necessary for a living I wonder if he will even notice it!"

you wanna hear something funny?! The most shocking lie I heard in my life from them was: “YOU WILL NOT HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING AFTER MARRIAGE!” I can’t wait to check it myself, I mean of course I won’t have time for the likes of you! but won’t I have time to shower? to drive? to eat? to chitchat? to visit? to write? Don’t you think its too much for 24hr to say its not enough? Sorry panda its you who didn’t find time and set priorities not all the brides!

The other half who are not married yet

A bride is a target for their hopes and dreams without realizing I’m not their little dreams-come-true fairy nor that the world is cheap enough to fulfill all their suggestions. Its sweet I know but please don’t show me that disbelief shocking “OH” face when I disagree with you. I understand no one realizes it as much as the one with money and time in hand to divide. Few years back, I planned must-buy lists for my future marriage and laughed at some money managing faults ...but now I understand! I know that some stuff you will be able to cover financially and timely but others you will let go or wish they come as you’ve always wished for.

Someone: “you should go get 6 branded bags, write them down: Channel, LV, Gucci, Givency...”

Me: ”Ummm well, I got Coach handbag”

Someone: ”OH MY GOD your not gonna get the rest? You can’t you’re a brideeee!”

Me: ”well.. ummm.. I don’t …know” awkward

NO NO NOOOO!! I don’t care about other brides' shopping rituals I’m not gonna waste huge amount of money over branded bags that can take up to ¼ of my salary each. I might buy one or two but never more than that at one time!

Not to mention that yes; some people still don't see through brands to care about what ur carrying! 

False predictions

I dislike people who try to be nice by guessing your emotions from your tired face.

Someone: “Dear you are thinking too much about the wedding? RELAAAAX!”

Me: ”No ..I’m not, its just lack of….”

(interrupting) Someone: ”YOU know its just one night celebration then you will regret all the worry for nothing”

Me: ”Nooooo its not like that!”

Someone: ”May god help you sweety”

Me talking to myself: ”oh why bother open my mouth?” walks away

Geeeeez people, trust me this is in no way a good way to start a conversation OR show sympathy towards a bride. You’re just driving her towards frustration when all she had on her mind that morning is to do well and get the wedding stuff on hold for once.

Prayers come true

Prayers are great as we believe its heard by god who understands us more than anyone else. However, people can even ruin this one faith rope we have. If you wanna pray for someone let it be a rational decent prayer. And always never wish for something jokingly cuz it might be fulfilled! When a bride gets a prayer like:

- “By god’s will you will get kids as soon as possible!! AMEEN!” or 

- "May we get to see your 10 kids" 

Maybeeee they think there’s some magical dust on it that would make a young soon to-be-bride get motherhood emotions flowing and go like “awwww I can’t wait to be a mother! I wish my wedding was earlier!!! And you to go to heaven for being so sweet”. 

Seriously! we can’t handle the drama of being in front of more than 500 people not to mention the fear of starting a new life with a new guy as a couple and you are bringing a third person into the count!?

I’m not against having those lil angels or anything but every topic has a proper time. Pray for happiness pray for wealth pray for health pray for everlasting love!!!

Questions before a week

Another important question that I’ve been asked 100 times when the wedding was less than a week near: “How is your spirit? How do you feel?”

do you really wanna know how it feels?

I don’t feel anything. Seriously my feelings are numb since two weeks now. I don’t think about the wedding fears and I don’t think about any other stuff too. Its really devastating to live with no purpose waiting for that day. I closed my door of listening to nosy questions and I started ignoring everyone because what I have is more major than anything else in my entire life. I’m focusing my efforts not to lose me around this mess when its so hard not to. I’m not sure but I think my emotions will awaken on the day I walk down the aisle lol

I started eating chocolate like a fat kid and I get these urges to argue with my husband over every word that comes out of his mouth but I held back (thank god he is miles away lol) and I certainly get into fights with each and every member of my family, I do scare myself sometimes. LOL

I do not wanna whine about how hard it was to keep myself together but really the fewer the people who knows about your wedding till the last minute the better.

Readers please take this with a sense of humor I can’t accept any more advising and directing about how I should feel or what should I say when all I need is to write about it. And please please pleasssse don’t be one of those people who gives a bride a hard time unless she asked for it herself. Life, marriages, love, mistakes, lessons and everything else comes by nature to everyone of us we don’t need someone to give us a cheat book. I said it to my husband once and I’m saying it to you too: “Don’t listen to others' life story,  give us a chance to build ours and take the best out of both”.

Ahhhh it feels much better .. wish me luck in my big day, gotta go try and get some beauty sleep 

Peace,

Amna Al Dhaheri

I'm getting married!

I'm engaged soon to be married !

I didn't wanna let myself write anything about it till I got my time and experience the trip of being in an arranged marriage. In my country, its almost always arranged marriages as its believed  to be the best religiously and socially. Something I wouldn't dream to end up with no matter how right it seemed because I'm this stubborn woman, but it all just happen in what i call a blink of an eye!

I know deep down it was meant to be with this particular guy when they told me about him but I wanted to be the miracle that goes against fate and with the denial it just brought me more misery and a lot more depressing days I could ever handle.

I was so busy asking life why without getting an answer back as if the other side which always guided me in everything and I MEAN everything went mute for the first time!

Struggling for couple of months I finally decided "for once in my life I will close my eyes and let god take the wheel if I'm not driving I know god will not let us crash". I'm really envious of all those women around the world who survived an arranged marriage with a relaxed mind to a very beautiful beginnings, to be honest I still didn't reach that state nor do I get it. I see marriages as life sharing and joint responsibility from both parties.. I want my marriage life to be the one I picked when I know I can handle it!

I admit however, I was from thereafter learning 1- how to love a stranger like a total teenage girl all over again and 2- how to truly place your faith into much greater powers in the universe. I wanted to be like those women who took life easy before I kill myself with my complexity.

A person whose obsessed with leading his own life though couldn't stand still in one corner; she would shamefully and secretly admit that she placed few tests along the way for the man of her future and god she was so annoyed every time he passed one haha

"if he's not an old fashioned he will bring that, and if he is a gentleman he will arrange that" - he did all.

I think I had few shots with fate before yet all ended up because of fate itself so maybe when fate offers the hand you should take it. I know very well that matching couples made in heaven will meet somehow and its just the mean that differs to everyone, whether its the guy next to you or the one you met on an airplane YOU WILL FIND EACH OTHER just add some fairy dust to your story and believe it will happen. And despite everything do not try to tailor others story into yours because it will end up ugly and unfitting! I tried to seek advices and opinions and they all added to my stress credit!

And from what I notice a matched couple doesn't have to bring each other happiness but one of them will be a mercy on the other, they two will feel the special bond whether they hurt or satisfy each other so when I'm jumping into this I'm not aiming too high nor too low.

I know life is not all pink and I wanna take it slow and rational knowing that.

A life after marriage will never be the same for me or him it takes mountains of courage but maybe its time to let go of my bachelor life for a greater joy that only this marriage can offer me.. if not it will only be another chance to learn and grow up.

Once I started getting to know my husband I was surprised by the magical work done over our relationship I thank god that I found a person who represents the inner true me not what I always wanted to be ... he will be the closest to understand me when the masks falls down and I go back to my real form..

The amount of love he holds in his heart for his wife-to-be startled me.. a woman like me would need more time to digest a new love, but that I found totally normal maybe a bit relaxing to know how ready he is for this on my behalf, I will stay there and listen to what he has to say for days since he can speak his heart now.. Until one day I will suddenly wake up with a beating heart saying he is the one I wanna walk miles with.

This is not gonna be a long post because I'm not done yet, my heart is a mess my mind is messier.
Maybe we are too young maybe we are making a mistake but maybe its the right time and the right thing to do too..
please include me in your prayers for this marriage to be 

My one and only ♥

Peace,

Amna Al Dhaheri